Hero Worship

Everyone has their own heroes, one or two people one looks up to for inspiration and model their lives after. I have two. Jello Biafra, and Hawkeye Pierce. One is a real person, the other is a fictional character.

I caught Jello the other night at the Trocedero in Philadelphia. It took me to after the intermission to sit back and think, "Holy shit, that's Jello Biafra!" I will have to say that I'm mildly disappointed, not dissapointed enough to crush my soul or anything like that, I just thought he would have something to say about obscure things like PETA contacting PH about becoming the spokesperson for the caged animal, the chicken. I thought that was a major rip on PETA's part (that kept me in a good mood for about a week). "Message From Our Sponsor" is always a good one, although since I've been into his spoken word work for going on 17 years, it always makes me happy. I've heard the black velvet Mexican style painting go from Alexander Haige to King George and I think in one rendition I heard it was Ed Meese. "Mild Kingdom" is one of my favorites, in fact, I sent that one to my friend in Iran. I think that was a mildly bad decision, but I sent it for the reason of entertaining my friend. A noble effort, in my opinion. "Die For Oil" was and is especially relevent to this war, which is actually Vietnam all over again. You'd think somebody would have learned that lesson. Ignorance can be cured, stupidity cannot.

At the end of the show, he invited those who were left to come and tell him how much he changed our lives. If I was a different person, I would have, but I'm not. Although it would be nice to shake his hand and thank him in person. I found Jello at a particuarly rebellious time in my life. An angry 15 year old girl with really nothing to lose and nothing to gain, either. As I grew up and began to make my own decisions, I've based most of my decisions on those things Jello said in the three spoken word albums that were out before I turned 18 (No More Coccoons, High Priest of Harmful Matter, and I Blow Minds For a Living). I thank him for helping me to build my natural ablity to see through illusions and make up my own mind about controversial subjects. I hope to pass on these things to my son, who is only little now, but will need to build these same abilities as he gets older.

The only thing that I really can say was disappointing about the show is that the material needs to mature a little bit. I agree that his demographic is young adults, but Jello's audience has matured and material should mature a little, too. I can't say anything negative about the material, but those of us over 30 already know how to get out of the clutches of corporate culture, already know about harm reduction, and realize the need for a more influential third party. But what do we do about raising our kids with these ideas? How can we be concerned parents without following the Tipper Gore/Hillary Clinton model? We already know to distrust anyone who tries to repress us, but how do we make the world better? We know the basics, I know I can't speak for all people, but I can for myself. How about a more advanced, mature lesson in rebellion, after the lifestyle has been chosen and lived for a few years?

I still love your work, Jello.

Right on...

Strange Kids DO NOT Equal Homicide

I was a strange kid. Now as an adult, I'm a strange adult. I have a morbid streak to this day, and as a teenager, while cutting my creative writing teeth on writing fake suicide notes, I was called into the guidance office. After some counseling, and being declared one of the most "normal" people my counselor has ever met, I was declared sane. Some people may beg to differ, but such as life. It is so sad that Mr. Cho was killed. Whether he killed himself or was killed by police doesn't matter, it's sad because we can't talk to this man (he was 23 years old, not a boy, but a man, technically) and find out what really happened to make him shoot up his classmates. Could he have been antisocial? Sociopathic? It's making me physically ill hearing people say that he was strange and they were afraid of him. If he did in fact have imaginary friends, that's pretty insane, but then I have imaginary conversations with Dub-ya about the Iraq war. Does that make me crazy and pull the now famous bell tower trick? I know most mainstream folks are afraid of me because I freely admit I'm strange, because that is what makes me me.

I wear black most of the time, I listen to industrial music, I like most horror flicks, I like to hang out with the "insane" and "dangerous" folks of the world, I like violent video games (I beat The Sopranos: Road to Respect on PS2!!!). Do you think that makes ME dangerous? I think not. I am a non-violent person, a proud pacifist and tree-hugging bleeding-heart liberal. I am a homemaker and mother, family being my number one priority. I have said that ALL people are MY people, and I mean that. Just because I know how to make a molitov cocktail, does not mean that I will make one. It also makes me physically ill that his roommates appeared on CNN talking about this man. If one of them can contact me and prove to me, to my satisfaction, that they did not make fun of him or tease him or bully him in any way, then I will stop harboring the same resentment and anger that I felt towards the bullies I have faced, and still face, in my life that I feel for these two. Obviously the nation has learned NOTHING from Columbine and the other high school and university shootings that have occured during the course of American history. I may get this quote wrong, but you know what I mean:

"Those who do not remember the past are condemned to repeat it." -- Emma Goldman

Have you hugged a Goth kid today??? I have. :)

A Nice Shade of Purple

There's one thing that I not only can't wrap my head around, but just generally bugging the shit out of me. How in the name of all unholy hell can the US get itself back on track while battleling against itself about who is right, the right or left. In my humble opinion, I think they are both wrong. All this bitching and whining is a signal to me that the terrorists are winning. This may have the sued-denim secret police on my ass, but I don't care. I'm just excersizing my first ammendment right to free speech. And I still can't spell, thank you US public schools, thank you.

This is the part where I tell you where I got this strange, far-flung conclusion about the terrorists winning. We, as Americans have been split on this whole flaming sack of dog shit since same hit the fan on 9/11. It's been said that a house divided against itself cannot stand. That's exactly what's been going on in political debate. But on further thought, it's not just politics, but general matters, too. But I'm not going into that in this entry. I'm just trying to show the level of nastiness that I feel for the government in general. A month ago it was worse, Congress changing majority party helped somewhat, but not enough to placate someone with a big mouth like me. Has it even crossed anybody's mind, even for one fleeting moment that we've exposed our underbelly??? We are now just like a puppy in need of love, rolling over and wagging our feet like we're expecting a rub, when we get kicked instead. My body is tensing up for that kick. It will come soon enough. Once somebody somewhere gets wind of this kind of division, I'm sorry to say that we are so not ready.

The American Constitution provides for many rights and responsibilities that Americans have. I have the right to call conservatives morons or liberals soft. I also have the responsibility to see what this is doing and make my opinion known. I feel this is a dangerous thing to do, especially over the internet. I've met many people from the middle east through the internet. They have all been very nice people, btw. (Mad love and respect to my Persian and Arab brothers and sisters.) But the baddies can also see this kind of division and think, "Hey, these people are too busy fighing among themselves to be worried about another attack, let's roll!" This scares the living hell out of me, and it should you, too.

Don't place blame on the other party if you are afraid, we're all afraid. That doesn't mean you can just go attacking your own people. I'm not just talking about the ones born here, either. This also goes to the next level, the newest Americans, immigrants! Don't you think we should just find some common ground already! Fucknuggets, folks! You can start showing your red, white and blues in other ways. As I've said before somewhere, real patriots don't need to wave flags. Put the flags away and get to work. Work on finding some common ground. I'll help you get a start. You have kids? I have kids. Do your kids get on your nerves sometimes? Really?! My kids get on my nerves, too, but I couldn't imagine my life without them. I'm sure both conservatives and liberals can relate to this. Not only on that tiny scale, either. I'm sure every parent on earth feels this way, too. What can we do about American schools? The uninsured? There are bigger nuts to crack than placing blame. I just wish we could get our Yankee Doodles out of the rubble of Ground Zero and see each other as humans, people caught in the same trap by the same people. Who is the real enemy? Criminal masterminds or our own minds. You have the decision to live or die. I choose to live. I will not close myself into the narrow field of living in a red or blue state. I shall forever remain a nice shade of purple.

I love the smell of Napalm in the morning!

Hello. It's been a while, but I'm back. Lock up the liquor cabinets, and for the love of God, put down that gun.

I have been doing some independant research and have discovered something interesting.

I found out this summer that Iraqis have been playing Lionel Ritchie music during raids. After I picked myself off the floor from laughing, I got curious. I want to know what others would think. It's a complex issue, apparently, because some folks didn't seem to take me seriously. Here are some of the results which are still incomplete, there will be a Redux.

From the folks at Rant Media, I got Blue Oyster Cult

From the folks at GamerWidow, I got Bruce Springsteen

From my kinda political, but mostly oblivous friends and family, I got some more interesting answers:

"I'm With Stupid" by Static X

"The End" and "The Music's Over" by The Doors
*Opening song for Apocolypse Now
I got several votes for those, quite appropriate.

"They're Coming to Take Me Away" by Lard
A personal favorite and a surprise, to be honest

"Painkiller" by Judas Priest
Thanks, Dad.

There will be more, research still pending.

Stay tuned, things could get interesting....

A Gamer Widow's Observation

The Night Before: Training

Silence! No sudden moves, no flash photography, please, as these can startle the specimens.

Let’s observe the Gamer in his natural habitat. He is focused, driven. Sipping on energy drinks, hoping to god he doesn’t get a cramp in his thumb. He has his own language, undeciferable to anyone outside his tribe. Notice the look of defeat on his face when he gets his ass kicked by his worthy opponent. Intent on defeating his enemy, miraculously, by sitting in one spot.

Let’s observe. To the outsider, they are doing nothing productive, but to the keen observer, this is clearly the primal “hunter instinct” that has all but disappeared in modern society. They train extensively, hoping to win the prize…whatever that may be. Clearly nothing material, but the satisfaction of beating the worthy opponent?? Nobody can really be sure, unless you move among them and try to learn his culture.

I use the masculine due to the fact that this is one of the places in modern society that is male-dominated. As any Widow that has seen the Wild Gamer, it’s easy to see why. Flashy images, cool noises and of course, the gratuitous violence.

Competition Day: 1:22pm

The optimistic attitude the specimens exhibit is momentarily dampened by the realization, just a few minutes too late that the necessary equipment needed for this particular quest has been left in the den occupied by this Widow and her beloved Gamer. The Guild of five Gamers was forced to split up into two traveling groups, as my very own Gamer forgot a very important piece of kit.

The equipment that this Guild has along is a rather extensive lot, though quite common among those of their lot. The list includes:

• One television set
• One CPU
• One boombox
• One portable console
• One backpack with an assorted mangled blob of assorted unidentified wires and accessories

After a successful run to pick up the missing kit, the journey will hopefully continue as smoothly as possible, if not exactly in a timely manner.

5:23pm

The journey went relatively smoothly, including the usual detours brought to you by missing exits. The specimens, CireDark and Sven, set up their equipment as quickly and effectively as usual, and with an anticipatory air, they begin to prepare for battle. I will take a short break for nourishment, they probably will not notice that I’m gone.


7:30pm

Thankfully, this competition was held at a shopping mall. So, yes, even though I’m not a shopper, I was able to use this next couple of hours keeping myself occupied, confident in the fact that my specimens were doing the exact same thing they were doing when I left.

I was able to pick up a few things I could not get in my hometown, while the boys were doing their thing. A helpful hint for those devoted Wids who are hell-bent on supporting their loved ones, make sure there is a diversion for you or else you go stark raving mad.

Approximately 9:30pm

The specimens are defeated. They seem happy that they came. My control subject kept me apprised of the situation via cell phone while I was otherwise occupied.

They are a curious breed. They are driven, competitive in a harmless way. So are we, Gamer Widows. Take comfort in your Geekdom, while you can rest assured that nobody wants them for their ways, you do. And keep in mind, because of your geekiness, nobody really wants you, either.

303.90

In his State of the Union Address, the Elf King stated that America has an “addiction” to foreign oil, specifically Middle Eastern oil. What an appropriate thing to say, the wording was just about perfect, coming from an addict, we can see where the use of the word addiction was appropriate, he himself being an untreated alcoholic. In this essay, I will confirm this diagnosis with a full diagnosis of Substance Dependence using criteria from the DSM-IV-TR. The criteria usually fit the diagnosis for one person; however, they will be applied to the nation as a whole.


One of the features of Substance Dependence, as stated in the DSM, is “a cluster of cognitive, behavioral, and physiological symptoms indicting that the individual continues use of the substance despite significant substance-related problems.” I think you would agree, despite the war and other problems oil has caused, we are still using oil that is primarily from the Middle East. Folks are still tooling around in their SUV’s, probably not giving a thought of how they are doing their part to “fuel” (bad pun, I know) the war and the greed of American oil companies that lie behind it.

The criteria have been met for Substance Dependence, which is defined as “a maladaptive pattern of substance use, leading to…significant impairment or distress…occurring at any time in the same 12-month period.” I think it’s safe to say that we have been using Middle Eastern oil regardless of the great loss of human life that has occurred during the current Iraqi fiasco, which was sponsored by large American oil companies. The following are the criteria that have been met to make an accurate diagnosis of Substance Dependence.

1. Tolerance, a need for markedly increased amounts of the substance to achieve the desired effect. US oil consumption jumped 1.5 million barrels from 2002 to 2004, and I can only imagine that number has increased since then. This is what I consider the development of tolerance comparable to alcohol tolerance. As the body gets used to the amount of alcohol it once took to make a person intoxicated, it takes more and more to produce this effect over time.
2. Withdrawal, the same (or closely related) substance is taken to relieve or avoid withdrawal symptoms. This applies to the intention of the Elf King to increase research of alternative power sources for automobiles, batteries for hybrids, and the production of ethanol from various sources. This is comparable to using methadone to relieve the withdrawal symptoms of heroin.
3. Persistent desire to cut down or control substance use. That was covered in point 2.
4. A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain the substance. I know a great deal of people that put some time and effort in the search for cheaper gas, even to the point of driving to neighboring states to get the cheapest gas possible.
5. Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced because of substance use. I’ve talked to some people who had cancelled travel plans because gas was so high. More people have started carpooling and taking public transportation to work, which I don’t think is such a bad idea. And finally, a really big one…
6. Substance use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or exacerbated by the substance. Um, okay, the WAR MAYBE?!

The prognosis doesn’t look good.

In keeping with a theme, I have used the DSM-IV-TR diagnostic code for Alcohol Dependence.

Philosophy 101

The two most important choices not only for women, but people in general, must be in the selection of reading material and music. These two things have the most profound effect on the brain because they use the most important senses, sight and hearing, and the areas of the brain involved in the processing of these two mediums are also used in cognition and the formation of thought. Trust me, nothing is more important to the human race is the formation of thought.
Thought produces profound energy. The music a person chooses can be seen as an interpretation of their individual thought process. A person’s choice in reading material is often a reflection of a) the music choice and b) the thought process.
For example, and I will use myself as one, I prefer more complex music with the tremendous energy produced by thundering bass and electric guitars, industrial, punk, metal and the like. My preferred reading material is often intellectually intensive, wither with philosophical or theoretical themes, fiction with complex twisting and turning plot lines. Usually being required by some college course I have not yet reached in my limited experiences in academia.
Based on my personality, basically a powerful person with a tendency to be controlling, with a seemingly never-ending internal stream of consciousness, I can confidently say that a person who prefers a lighter kind of music, such as adult contemporary, and prefers to follow the books suggested by Oprah’s Book Club, does not have the depth of thought that a person like me may have. Don’t take this theory to heart, remember, I’m just a little girl with something to prove.
The intricately woven web of humanity is in danger of being swept out of the dark and dusty corners by an old lady with a broom. I am that old lady. With the help of some back street tattoo parlor wisdom, I propose that I can have all of human kind standing knee-deep in the idea that one can make this planet a better merry-go-round to be on. The key is thought, pure and simple. Not only the production of thought, we’re not talking about the pondering of belly button lint here (but if that’s what you enjoy, go for it), but the process of higher-order thought as the means to a smoother sailing end.
The key to producing more profound thought is the simple act of letting go of the artificial for the natural mechanics of things. By this, in one example is giving up automobiles and television. Although I have not personally transcended the ingrained conditioning of my parents to depend on people with cars or have weaned myself from the plug-in drug known as the television, I have adjusted my life tremendously to a point where most people think I am insane and that I am making things much harder on myself. Quite the contrary. Yes, I do a lot more walking than most and I also spend a lot of time waiting for buses, boyfriends and gracious roommates, it gives me plenty of time to think, which is the basis of my plan for a better human race, which works out.
The problem with getting people to turn off and tune in is that most people, especially Americans, don’t like to think. They prefer to have the thinking done for them. This concept tends to make me violently ill. That’s how I think we have acquired the mandates of society we have now. Intellectually, I know that societal mandates originally come from the Judeo-Christian ideas which are the bases for present-day western society, which keeps most people from running amok, killing each other over something as simple as the colors someone wears. Although this practice is not only still being carried out in the epicenters of America’s largest cities, and is the product of abject poverty that have nothing to do with society in general, as people that are not in that particular in that particular environment and subculture.
I digress. I’m not saying we should overthrow the government that has it’s base in Judeo-Christian doctrine or, although I am a closet anarchist that has not come out for fear of persecution, that the laws that exist for the protection of society should not be repealed. The law of the land and the judicial system should be trusted enough to actually protect the weaker components of society, deal with those who clutter our correctional facilities more effectively, by sending the more violent of the lot to the military for covert suicide missions to serve as a way to prevent pointless foreign wars. The current war has turned into a huge, bad reality show with hundreds of people being voted off by means of car bombs and suicide bombers.
This is where I advocate the resurrection of sanitariums and lunatic hospitals. Most people in prison today have mental disorders that can be treated instead of cluttering up the works of correctional facilities that were designed with an optimistic view that less of a capacity would be needed, only to overflow year after year like too many rats in a cage. We all know what happens if you put too many rats in a cage, right?
Enough. The sacrifices that the general public should consider are giving up the artificial, as mentioned before. The artificial consists of not only the unattainable standard of sexual attraction that women continue to kill themselves for, but the status symbols that basically mean nothing in the grand scheme of the universe, currency systems based on credit cards, electronic transfers and have no basis in a real sense of reality. Yes, those things are convenient, but not real, and exist only in a printout that some temp in an office somewhere has to file.
In the society I am familiar with in the twilight of 2005, all an individual life boils down to is a series of electronic transfers and an invalid password. That’s when I propose the introduction of a bartering system instead of free commerce. Nearly everyone in America has shit they have just lying around, and there are people in such desperate that they can’t even feed their families, much less clothe them. They all have something valuable based on some other type of currency, whether it is physical, intellectual or spiritual. In short, if every human being worked to find this individual potential, using wastefulness, transforming it into something good, not only a blind donation for a tax write-off, but in exchange for the non-monetary value of another person, it would virtually eliminate the need for hard currency, and status symbols, among other antiquated parts of the current financial system. Thus, poverty felt in most of the world. That alone would bring the United States as we know it down, but more of a forced reconstruction of the current system and could be replaced with a more humanitarian system that would not only benefit those who are less fortunate in monetary means, but also bump up the standard of living for everyone. The only people that this would not work very well for are higher-ranking officials and those who make huge amounts of money on the suffering of the poor and vulnerable. As someone once said to me, anyone who aspires to be President should be informed that they would be living in public housing. For most people I’ve met, that is definitely one place that it wouldn’t matter very much and the mere thought of living in public housing would deter those who are in it for the money. And you can’t deny that the current administration is only in the false world of politics for the money and by no means the prospect of change for the greater good and the general public.